about that time

so i'll just get down to it. i was having a great talk with my grandpa this morning, and i was sharing my feelings on basically everything in my life. but one part in specific we talked about for a little bit. essentially it was judging myself and others.

I (and i think almost every other 'Christian') have a tendency to judge people...a lot. i have this "golden standard" of a Christian that i try to live up to, and i sure notice when other people don't live up to mine. but i notice when i don't too, and it brings this mass of guilt upon me. this cycle begins where i think about my guilt more than i think about God's forgiveness of my sin, and i get caught up more and more on my guilt. soon enough, that's all i think about: how bad i am; how wrong i am; how sinful i am.

so grandpa, being amazing and awesome, started encouraging me. he basically said that the problem is this: trying to please God by NOT sinning, puts the focus on NOT sinning instead of on forgiveness and freedom in Christ. he said that there is no way to please God more than sacrificing my life to Him--letting go of my life-- and letting Christ live within me and through me. it opened "windows" (in my mind) that i had never even thought about. all of a sudden the pressure to NOT sin is off me, and i am experiencing freedom in Christ...just sitting in the same place that i had been for the past hour. incredible. to me at least.

then we moved to me judging other people. this has bothered me the past few months. i've come to realize that people who i was an acquaintance/friend to, are suddenly absent from my life. what happened? i think it was that i saw a lifestyle that i didn't agree with, but i let that affect the relationship that we had. instead of showing them the love of Jesus, i communicated my feelings in a way that pushed them away. looking back, it hurts me. knowing that i was doing the one thing that i didn't want to, it makes me sad. i don't know where i was going with that....but he encouraged me in that way too. it goes back to the whole..holding a standard for myself problem. it brings me shame when i don't live up to it, and it makes me all self righteous when i see other people not living up to it. he asked "who are we to judge?" so my conviction was my judgement, and with God's grace, i hope to show people more of what the love of Jesus is all about.

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades. Never-ending, your glory goes beyond all fame. My heart and my soul, Lord I give you control. Consume me from the inside out Lord. Let justice and praise become my embrace, to love you from the inside out.

1 Corinthians 13:4-whatever
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.